Merry Christmas

This hangover is deadly so I will just keep this short and sweet

Merry Christmas one and all hope santa brings you everything you want and I hope you all get moosed off your heads!

But stay safe

Shit happens!

The Hughton Rule

Sir Chris Hughton was wrongly sacked a few weeks back and I was shocked and appalled at such an outrageous decision, he was a legend and a true gentleman. In honour of the great fella a new rule has been introduced into society that each and every person has to abide by.

The Hughton Rule

Once a year, a person may ask any other given person one favour, once it has been stated that the Hughton rule has been used, the other person must fulfill the request.

The favour is not allowed to exceed 5 percent of the other persons income.

The favour cannot go against the other persons sexual orientation.

The favour cannot go against a third partys free will.

The favour cannot put the other person in any immediate danger.

The favour cannot break the law.

If a person is found to of used the Hughton rule twice or more in any given year they will lose all rights to the usage of the Hughton rule in the future.


Enjoy the use of the Hughton rule wisely .

The joys of drink

Apologies for my lack of blogging this past month people, I've spent a lot of the past month intoxicated and/or hungover and it all came to a dramatic conclusion when I was the target of a double arrest the weekend just gone.

It has been a month that has helped me realise what is important in life, GETTING WRECKED, seriously Hartlepool has nothing else to do, you go bowling - OH THERES A BAR, you go to the cinema - HOLY SHIT ASDA IS OVER THE ROAD FULL OF ALCOHOL - see, point proven.

I  actually got a job the other week, from an interview I am not able to remember due to being drunk, 1-0 to the drink.

I got stuck into Cheryl Cole in a bar last weekend in a bar, 2-0 to the drink.

Thats right a 2-0  victory for the drink in the past few weeks with 2 huge achievements, and yet some idiots say its bad, bellends.

The things to do before i die list

As you may or may not know there are a few things I would like to do before I die, some have been accomplished, most have not. However I would like to think I have a good ten years of adulthood left yet (fingers crossed).

Anyway the point of this post was for me to let you know, yesterday, on saturday the 27th of december 2010, I crossed something off that list, AND IT WAS A BIG ONE.

Number 7 - be paid to drink. This has been a lifelong dream of mine and it has now been achieved, an associate of mine gave me ten of the queens pounds to down a 500ml bottle of mickey finns (which he supplied) after careful consideration I duly obliged and BOOM, number 7 is complete.

Here is the full list of things to do before I die, if you ever see me out and about please try and help me achieve these goals.

1) Get a Newcastle United season ticket
2) Have ten shots in 9 seconds
3) Down a pint in under 5 seconds
4) Have a threesome
5) Have an influence on a live football match
6) Have full sexual intercourse with a lesbian
7) Be paid to drink
8) Star in a music video for a top 40 single
9) Meet someone named Jim Nasium
10) Have the perfect week (pull 7 girls in 7 nights, 0 rejections)
11) Sleep with a relative of a close friend
12) Be paid to wank
13) Spend £1000 in one week on alcohol for myself
14) Write a book and have it published
15) Appear on a reality tv show

And that is it!!!

PLEASE HELP IF POSSIBLE.

Update

I decided on Sunday that I wasn't going to drink alcohol again until christmas time and today I faced my first challenge - A PUB!!
I am please to inform you all that I had an orange juice - I know I know - WOW!
One word for you all - Willpower (YES THAT IS ONE WORD)

The Ashes has started now and I intend not to miss a minute, however, I can guarantee I will probably miss most of it, oh well. Just so you all know, the first test will end in a draw, England will get around 370 all out in the first innings, and day 4 will be full of rain (I own a psychic octopus)

In other news, Mark Lawrenson is a bellend and Hermione Granger is fit.

Tough week

It has been a tough week all round, Newcastle got destroyed by Bolton, England got thoroughly outplayed by France, my liver has taken a severe battering, my bank balance has taken a major blow (it is empty), I have fallen behind in college work, I have slept about 12 hours in 7 days, surely next week has to be an improvement!

On the other hand....

Andy Carroll bagged his eighth goal of the season, Andy Carroll was England's best player against France, I had 4 EPIC drinks over 4 days lasting a combined 42 hours (roughly) during which I consumed upwards of 200 units, I spent all my money PARTYING, why would I want to do boring college work when I can spend my time having fun in various pubs? AND, sleep is a waste of valuable drinking time.

My life is awesome!

Hangover Cures/Avoiders

For the last few weeks I have been going through many alcohol related situations just to find a way around the deadly thing known as the hangover - I now think I know a way around it.

Listen.

A few weeks ago I had a job interview - okay it was not for any sort of major highly ranked or highly paid job - but it was a job nonetheless, I had it at 9am on a friday morning, so thursday night I go out partying till the early hours of the morning, you know 3-4 am, I got up for the interview but I do not remember it - needless to say I have not heard back. Anyway then friday and saturday I drank all day - feeling gradually worse throughout the weekend, what with a huge lack of sleep and a liver that is probably falling apart as we speak - and then the sunday - WOW it was bad. I woke up at 10am and was blind till about 3, honestly was not able to see ANYTHING, I threw up for 2 hours and shit like a horse - I wanted to die but did not have the energy for suicide - worst day of all time.

Basically that day made me realise I needed a way around the classic hangover - and i found it 2 weeks later.

Friday night - stay in, get at least 8 hours sleep

Saturday - start drinking at 3, drink as much as you are able to take, mix drinks, down pints, get lapdances, do what you need to do so your full night is a blur

Sunday - wake up, if you did saturday properly then you are still drunk, hit the pub, get a pint and down it in under 10 seconds, now just do not look back and drink till you fall asleep

Mission accomplished

What is up!!!

I was intending to start with a joke like I do when talking to women but then that scares off 99.9% of them which isn't really what I want for this, so I'll just get straight down to business,

Thursday night, yes I should be out somewhere, I should be at a party, at the pub, or down town clubbing my face off, however instead I am sat writing a blog that in all likelyhood less than 3 people will read, the joys of life!

Muslims burning poppys on rememberance day eh? Doesn't seem too PC, although if we complain what are we? You got it - racist! Can't say I'm too bothered like, not going to take it to heart, end of the day its a few bearded freaks trying to make a scene, theres freaks in every group if people, just today a couple came knocking on my door telling me I need to embrace god - bellends!

I'm going to stop this now as I sense it's bad, although it's probably a lot worse than it is.