The things to do before i die list

As you may or may not know there are a few things I would like to do before I die, some have been accomplished, most have not. However I would like to think I have a good ten years of adulthood left yet (fingers crossed).

Anyway the point of this post was for me to let you know, yesterday, on saturday the 27th of december 2010, I crossed something off that list, AND IT WAS A BIG ONE.

Number 7 - be paid to drink. This has been a lifelong dream of mine and it has now been achieved, an associate of mine gave me ten of the queens pounds to down a 500ml bottle of mickey finns (which he supplied) after careful consideration I duly obliged and BOOM, number 7 is complete.

Here is the full list of things to do before I die, if you ever see me out and about please try and help me achieve these goals.

1) Get a Newcastle United season ticket
2) Have ten shots in 9 seconds
3) Down a pint in under 5 seconds
4) Have a threesome
5) Have an influence on a live football match
6) Have full sexual intercourse with a lesbian
7) Be paid to drink
8) Star in a music video for a top 40 single
9) Meet someone named Jim Nasium
10) Have the perfect week (pull 7 girls in 7 nights, 0 rejections)
11) Sleep with a relative of a close friend
12) Be paid to wank
13) Spend £1000 in one week on alcohol for myself
14) Write a book and have it published
15) Appear on a reality tv show

And that is it!!!

PLEASE HELP IF POSSIBLE.

Update

I decided on Sunday that I wasn't going to drink alcohol again until christmas time and today I faced my first challenge - A PUB!!
I am please to inform you all that I had an orange juice - I know I know - WOW!
One word for you all - Willpower (YES THAT IS ONE WORD)

The Ashes has started now and I intend not to miss a minute, however, I can guarantee I will probably miss most of it, oh well. Just so you all know, the first test will end in a draw, England will get around 370 all out in the first innings, and day 4 will be full of rain (I own a psychic octopus)

In other news, Mark Lawrenson is a bellend and Hermione Granger is fit.

Tough week

It has been a tough week all round, Newcastle got destroyed by Bolton, England got thoroughly outplayed by France, my liver has taken a severe battering, my bank balance has taken a major blow (it is empty), I have fallen behind in college work, I have slept about 12 hours in 7 days, surely next week has to be an improvement!

On the other hand....

Andy Carroll bagged his eighth goal of the season, Andy Carroll was England's best player against France, I had 4 EPIC drinks over 4 days lasting a combined 42 hours (roughly) during which I consumed upwards of 200 units, I spent all my money PARTYING, why would I want to do boring college work when I can spend my time having fun in various pubs? AND, sleep is a waste of valuable drinking time.

My life is awesome!

Hangover Cures/Avoiders

For the last few weeks I have been going through many alcohol related situations just to find a way around the deadly thing known as the hangover - I now think I know a way around it.

Listen.

A few weeks ago I had a job interview - okay it was not for any sort of major highly ranked or highly paid job - but it was a job nonetheless, I had it at 9am on a friday morning, so thursday night I go out partying till the early hours of the morning, you know 3-4 am, I got up for the interview but I do not remember it - needless to say I have not heard back. Anyway then friday and saturday I drank all day - feeling gradually worse throughout the weekend, what with a huge lack of sleep and a liver that is probably falling apart as we speak - and then the sunday - WOW it was bad. I woke up at 10am and was blind till about 3, honestly was not able to see ANYTHING, I threw up for 2 hours and shit like a horse - I wanted to die but did not have the energy for suicide - worst day of all time.

Basically that day made me realise I needed a way around the classic hangover - and i found it 2 weeks later.

Friday night - stay in, get at least 8 hours sleep

Saturday - start drinking at 3, drink as much as you are able to take, mix drinks, down pints, get lapdances, do what you need to do so your full night is a blur

Sunday - wake up, if you did saturday properly then you are still drunk, hit the pub, get a pint and down it in under 10 seconds, now just do not look back and drink till you fall asleep

Mission accomplished

What is up!!!

I was intending to start with a joke like I do when talking to women but then that scares off 99.9% of them which isn't really what I want for this, so I'll just get straight down to business,

Thursday night, yes I should be out somewhere, I should be at a party, at the pub, or down town clubbing my face off, however instead I am sat writing a blog that in all likelyhood less than 3 people will read, the joys of life!

Muslims burning poppys on rememberance day eh? Doesn't seem too PC, although if we complain what are we? You got it - racist! Can't say I'm too bothered like, not going to take it to heart, end of the day its a few bearded freaks trying to make a scene, theres freaks in every group if people, just today a couple came knocking on my door telling me I need to embrace god - bellends!

I'm going to stop this now as I sense it's bad, although it's probably a lot worse than it is.